Friday, November 21, 2008

What do I want to do in life?

I've become very conflicted in what I want to do with my career. Every time I see something new I want to try it! This is bad, but good to try everything and find the one thing you're good at and that you really enjoy. We'll see what life brings I guess.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Hell just snuck up on me...

Just when you thought it was over, and there was a possibility of a mini break, it jumps out of the bushes and ambushes you, screaming "Here's Hell-y!". I definitely did not see it coming. But it's here in full force and won't go away anytime soon. It's more like "Hell Couple-of-Weeks". We'll see how things turn out. But from last week, I think I might crash and burn soon. Let's hope not.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Let the Crackberry-ing begin...

Thanks to my lovely boyfriend, I have now acquired a Blackberry Curve. I must say, it is addictive. I haven't changed my phone plan, yet, to allow for unlimited text messaging and I'm already texting like a fiend. This is not good. I also foolishly told him that I will use it as my agenda. This is also not good. So it's been less than 24hrs and yet I feel like I can't go a single hour without looking at it. It's not that I'm checking for messages, since I don't usually have any. I just like to look at it and play with it.

This may be the end of "Productive Phyller".

Friday, October 24, 2008

It's All Over!

It's over. Not just Hell Week, but my academia as well. I just failed 3 midterms in 2 days. That's a new high for me. Needless to say I'm not too happy at the moment. I know there's not much I can do and everyone tells me to just forget about it. Normally I would, but this time I have to seriously consider my options. Should I drop these courses or shouldn't I? It's definitely tough.

On a side note, all the studying I was doing and work has definitely hindered me from being able to do the things that I want to do to forward my career and portfolio. It's really taking a toll. Sometimes I also wish I wasn't such a chicken and just talked to those men from the start-up. Grr.

All in all it has not been a good week, and there does not seem to be any time to relax for the next 2 months. Life is awesome.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Team Reviews

Okay, so I've been instructed to review my team. Honestly I have no problems with my team, I think that they're a stellar group of people. My issue is with myself. I feel like I'm dragging down the team despite them saying that I'm not. So I don't know how to evaluate myself. Sure I havent done any coding, but I like to think that i contribute in other ways like in design meetings and write-ups. The reason I have not done any coding is simply because I don't feel as comfortable programming in Java as I do in C. And since my team-mates are Java pros, why not let them write it? I'm not trying to be lazy. I just wouldn't want to get in the way. So I worked on testing. I'm good at testing. I'm good at finding bugs and crashing code. I suppose I'm mostly scared that the rest of my team will think that I'm not doing enough even though I think I'm doing everything I can. *sigh*. This is more stress then I'd like right now.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Stupid Forks in the Road

Back to this dilemma about career choices. I really need some insight. I wish somebody would just tell me which one to choose. I am the most indecisive person I know and it's going to kill me one day.

Option 1:

Working for a company or institution that's trying to make a difference in the world.

Option 2:

Working for a company or institution that is only out to make money so that I too can get 'That Oprah".

The ideal situation would be to work for a company or institution that combines both my love of games and helping the world all while making lots of money. If anybody knows where this place exists please contact me.

I have also learned recently that I really like working on team projects. Not because I'm lazy, but because it really pushes me to try harder so to not let down the rest of my team. But it also allows for human interaction you would obviously not get with a computer. I also like the brainstorming and testing and learning new things from other people. I think I may actually be a people person after all despite the fact that I say that I hate people everyday.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The approach of Hell Week

In preparation for Hell Week, I have actively prepared my body for the hardships it will most likely have to endure. Allowing it to get accustomed to getting less sleep, drinking sugar coffee from 7Eleven every morning, eating take out for every meal. These things you can't just spring onto your body or it will hate you. Unfortunately, this week before Hell Week is no better. Late nights, early morning, and now the onset of a cold. Great! Looks like it's going to be the best couple of weeks of my life.

Normally, I don't like to complain about my lack of time, only it seems like I'm on of the few who don't even have time for games in class because I'm trying to either pay attention or do other homework. That's just not right. I don't know how some people can do it. They appear to slack off all the time, and yet they somehow manage a better grade than me.

Not only do I have no time for sleep between 5 CS courses and my part-time job, but I also have to be on the job hunt for PEY. Looking at some of the postings yesterday (at work...) they definitely do seem interesting. software development teams and QA testing. Definitely interesting. Somehow I don't think I'd be completely satisfied with those jobs. I'd like to work and know that my hard work has helped somebody down the line in something more important than consumer software. I want to do something more worthwhile and significant. I also want to be part of the entire software development lifecycle. I don't want to be a code monkey. I'd rather have a bigger impact on a project. Of course the whole "doing something worthwhile" is thrown out the window when you consider the ultimate dream of developing games. But perhaps I can develop games and software for under privileged or mentally disabled kids. Of course it would be awesome to work for Bungie or EA. I really need to sort out my priorities. Or I could just wait and see what happens later on.

Note to self: Work on resume.

Friday, October 10, 2008

My Resume Doesn't Suck!

After 50 minutes of listening to other people get their resumes shredded, I realized that my resume is not as bad as I had initially thought. Granted, it's not perfect. There are some things that I need to fix, but overall this has made me a very happy person.

I have a tendency to think little of myself (self-esteem issues), so this has DEFINITELY given me a confidence boost that I needed. Sure I don't have as much relavent experience or extra curricular activities as other people, but I think that I am unique enough to stand out.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Day 1 - Adverturing into Blog County

Welcome to the first day of my blog! I'll try to keep things interesting.